xemowhorex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - i've always been good at hiding things. i almost wish i wasn't. i almost want every one to know that i've given up. that i've fallen apart and am still trying hard as i can to be more than i am. something i'm not. which is just about anything. i went out last night. agreed to help some one who couldn't help themself. helped clean her apartment in the hopes that i might amyby possibly connect with some one. didn't happen. i jsut cleaned out her cubbords because all i can do is physical things. i can clean. i can exsist. i can keep up apearances. god forbid i should need to be anything else. i don't know how to interaxct with people. i like to help because it makes people apriciate me. a physical act. something most any one can do. i guess it's like sex in a way. i've never met any one i really cared to fuck. but i've done it any way. in the hopes that it'll amount to something. in fairy tales sex is love. in life sex is sex. i can fuck. alibet badly. but i can fuck. and it has kept people around long enough for me to exsist. i've been with 2 people that may have mettered. and i i hadn't of fucked wither of them .or if they hadn't have been desperate any way there is no way i could have keept them near.... i have no personality. lana used to say she didn't. and that wasn't true. she just didn't have a popular personality. but she was some one. she was her. dispite everything she was some one. i'm not. honest to what ever. i have nothing. i am nothign. i enjoy nothing. i hate nothing. i'm indifferant to everytihng. i want to exsist. but i don't know how. i'm lazy. 9:12 p.m. - Thursday, Oct. 25, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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