xemowhorex's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- pitty post back from arizona. it was mostly pretty fun. i guess i should be proud of myself for riding there and back with out incident. but i'm really not. i'm still afraid of taking corners too fast so i tend to take them too slow. i don't think i enjoy motorcycles as much as a lot of people. it's just another mode of transportation for me. and really my car is pretty fuel efficient so i'm not saving money by riding the bike. and my car is far more comfortable. but it was fun. aside from the literal pain in my ass that was caused from riding so long. i have pictures of the grand canyon and a few of the other places we stopped along the way. i'll try to post some of the better ones soon. about pictures. i'm really really really fat. i think that because i don't look in mirrors very often i have kind of disillusioned myself in to believing that i don't look all that different that i always have. but i really do. my face is all mushy looking. i have a Buddha smile again. my eyes disappear behind folds of flesh. i'm massive. huge. i need to fix this. i need to look in a fucking mirror from time to time. i can't seam to manage any kind of exercise. i'm too tired all the time for such things. tired and lazy. i sleep and i work. and that's about all. so i guess for now i'm going to try to focus on food. i know for a fact that exercise would be the fastest way to sort this mess out but really i can barely wake up most days let alone leave the house to do anything that isn't a requirement for minimal self preservation. before when i could manage to go to the gym or hike or anything more than sit and lay i was a good 60 pounds less. maybe if i can lose at least another 40 pounds i'll feel better and maybe have some energy to make it out of the house. i think i'm going to make an appointment with kaiser and see if maybe i can get some kind of prescription strength diet pills, or even just a prozac refill. maybe that would help. if nothing else maybe they'll talk to me about gastric bypass or something. though i really don't think i want to do that. i've read and heard some horror stories. and i really don't think i want to be required to take all my essential vitamins in pill form every day for the rest of my life. so i had a birthday. i'm 28. how depressing. i'm 28, i have 1 friend whom i never see. i'm a good 150 pounds fatter than i should be. i rarely leave my house. i hate my job. i'm uneducated. i'm socially awkward. i'm old. the dr. appointment has been made. october 5th. 10am. 11:05 a.m. - Wednesday, Sept. 05, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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